Some things I think about when I revise

I'm currently two thirds of the way through the first revision of my next novel, Tube Riders: Exile. The first revision is generally the hardest, because that's where you come up against all the plot holes and stuff. While revising, I mostly concentrate on getting the writing tight as well as a smooth rhythm and the correct tone. However, while I do it I make a list of all the things I need to go back and look at later.

Of course, for those of you who've read Tube Riders, you'll know that it is a masterpiece of dystopian fiction :-). However, it had issues. Here are some of the issues I've made a note of during my revision of Exile, just so you can see that in first draft form my books are a long way from the wonderfully polished articles that are available for sale.

(of course all names have been edited out to avoid spoilers)

Change the (character)'s weapon?

(name)/other characters regard (character) as “it” but from (character)'s POV they become “he”.

Check heaven/god/hell etc for capital usage

Where did (name)'s contact lenses go?

Where did (name)/(name)'s guns go between watching the (character) and coming out of the tunnel?

French police titles

God damn or goddamn

Try to edit out ‘for a moment/second’

(name)'s burn is on the right

(name)'s eyes are blue

Try to edit out ‘just a few metres’

(name) is a British (thing) so why does he need a French translation?

Check rapid/rabid

Some interesting stuff in there. Some of it is really basic typo stuff, like rapid/rabid. It's very easy to get words like these mixed up, which is where proofreaders come in. Another I always check for is scarring/scaring, and one my proofreader found was lopped/loped. Make a long list of these as you find them and find/replace to get rid of them.

Things like "French police titles" are a worldbuilding detail. Most of Exile is set in France, so I want it to be as authentic as possible. I have been there a number of times, but I know nothing about the French police (thank God) or military.

The notes about "blue eyes" and "burns" are consistency details. As a general rule I don't go into a great deal of death over character detail. Some writers do, but I find it incredibly boring and for the most part irrelevant. Same with clothing. However, when you do use it, you have to make sure it's the same throughout. If a character has a birthmark on the right side of their face, it better not be on the left five chapters later. Unless it's a fake one, of course ...

There are a couple of notes on overused phrases. For me these are usually time/distance - "For a moment", "a few metres away", etc. If you repeat them too often they become boring so I always try to edit some of them out.

The note about a French translation is a character inconsistency. For example, when you have French characters, there has to be a reason why they can speak in English. Of course they can learn, but why did they learn? You don't have to write it all out in detail, but it should be obvious or implied by the plot.

"God damn vs goddamn" and the note on capitalization of "heaven/hell" etc, is a style thing. I see both used, and the reason I've highlighted these notes are because they need to be consistent, one way or the other. You can vary them if used in speech by two or more different characters, but not if they're used in the general narrative. Pick one, stick to it.

The notes about guns and contact lenses are simple plot holes. In one chapter a character is holding a gun, then two chapters later the gun has disappeared. Where did it go? These are all things you need to pick up and fix. My books are full of things like this because I don't write a detailed outline, just a few notes on each chapter. However, within two or three revisions they're usually fixed.

Anyway, that's just a little insight into my writing process. And on that note, I'd better get back to it ...

Chris Ward

May 14th 2013

An example of paragraph revision

For today’s “class” I thought I would give you a little example of the kind of things I do when I revise. Generally, when I write a first draft, while I do write a complete story I often don’t worry so much about how I write something as just getting the story down. When I come to revise it’s rare that I don’t change at least one or two words in every paragraph.

Tonight I was doing some first draft revising of Exile and made quite a few changes to one particular paragraph and thought I’d give you a few pointers as to why. (I also picked this paragraph because it doesn’t have any spoilers!).

Here’s the original paragraph –

He had never more strongly felt the urge to turn and walk away than he did now. The Tube Riders had been forced on the run by the DCA and the Huntsmen but none of it had been a personal choice, they had done only what they needed to do to survive. What he wanted to do now was forget everything, find his brother and keep running, keep heading south, heading away from all this. Europe was a big place, one that by all accounts was at peace, so if they could avoid the French army long enough they would surely find somewhere to shelter them, away from the Huntsmen’s reach.
(111 words)

And here’s what I did to it –

The urge to turn and walk away was as strong as it had ever been. The Tube Riders had been forced to go on the run by the Department of Civil Affairs, and they had done only what they needed to do to survive. What he wanted to do now was forget everything, find his brother and keep running, keep heading south. Europe was a big place, and one that Lionel had told him was at peace, so if they could avoid the French army long enough they would surely find somewhere to hide, away from the Huntsmen’s reach.
(99 words)

For a start it’s a little shorter. This wasn’t an intention, but that I’ve dropped the equivalent of a sentence while making it more concise will help it to flow better.

Now, to focus on some specific lines –

He had never more strongly felt the urge to turn and walk away than he did now.

become
The urge to turn and walk away was as strong as it had ever been.

mainly because I thought “more strongly” was clunky and ugly, plus I wanted “the urge to turn and walk away” to come at the beginning as the subject. While this is a passive structure, I don’t really care at this point. Chances are in the second revision it’ll end up as “Paul felt the urge to turn and walk away”, but one thing at a time. For now it’ll do.

The Tube Riders had been forced on the run by the DCA and the Huntsmen but none of it had been a personal choice, they had done only what they needed to do to survive.

became

The Tube Riders had been forced to go on the run by the Department of Civil Affairs, and they had done only what they needed to do to survive.

For a number of reasons. I changed “on the run” to “go on the run” to make it clearer, but this again may revert in the next draft. I haven’t decided yet. I changed the DCA from the abbreviation because I wanted it to have more impact than just the three letters, while I cut “and the Huntsmen” because it was inaccurate – in book one the Huntsmen are sent after the Tube Riders after they go on the run, they aren’t a cause. And I cut “but none of it …” because it was kind of obvious anyway and unnecessary here.

In the last section,

What he wanted to do now was forget everything, find his brother and keep running, keep heading south, heading away from all this. Europe was a big place, one that by all accounts was at peace, so if they could avoid the French army long enough they would surely find somewhere to shelter them, away from the Huntsmen’s reach.

I made a few more changes, to make it like this –

What he wanted to do now was forget everything, find his brother and keep running, keep heading south. Europe was a big place, and one that Lionel had told him was at peace, so if they could avoid the French army long enough they would surely find somewhere to hide, away from the Huntsmen’s reach.
I cut “heading away from all this”, because I felt it was repetitive, and didn’t add anything new to the previous clause. I changed “by all accounts” to “Lionel had told him” because I felt that “by all accounts” was clichéd and vague. (Lionel, btw, is a relatively minor character in part 2).

So there you have it. The second paragraph is far from perfect but it's a big improvement on the first. This is just an example of the kind of things I think about when I revise. My books usually get two to three revisions before I start thinking about sending them to other people. Some paragraphs will survive intact, others are completely overhauled, and some are cut completely.

I hope you find this information useful. As always, any comments are welcome.

Chris Ward

May 4th 2013